31 August 2011


"Nothing" from 

Anyway, it's the first day of aerobics class,
and we're in the gymnasium, and the Trainer,
Mr. Karp - puts us up on the floor with
our legs around each other,
one in back of the other, and he says:
"Okay... we're going to do aerobics.
Now, you're on a yoga mat. It's snowing out.
And it's cold...Okay...GO!"

Every day for a week we would try to
Feel the lunges, feel the crunches -
Take our turn!

Every day for a week we would try to
Build the triceps, build the biceps -
Feel the burn!

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
To see what I had inside.
Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And I tried, I tried.

And everybody's goin' "Whoosh, whoosh ...
I lost a pound - I lost an ounce - I lost a kilo!"
And Mr. Karp turns to me and he says,
"Okay, More-All-Ass! What did you lose?"

And I said..."Nothing,
I'm losing nothing,"
And he says "Nothing
Could get a girl transferred."

They all lost something,
But I lost nothing -
Except the feeling
That this bullshit was absurd!

But I said to myself, "Hey, it's only the first week.
Maybe it's genetic.
They don't have bobsleds in San Juan!"

Second week, more advanced, and we had to
Sit at a table, Fit in a sportscar...
Pass up an ice-cream cone.

Mister Karp, he would say,"Very good,
Except More-All-Ass. Try, More-All-Ass,
All alone."

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
To see how an ice cream felt.
Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And I tried to melt!

The kids yelled, "Nothing!"
They called me "Nothing"
And Karp allowed it,
Which really makes me burn.

The were so helpful.
They called me "Hopeless,"
Until I really didn't know
Where else to turn.

And Karp kept saying,
"More-All-Ass, I think you should transfer to Girl's High,
You'll always be a Fat Ass - Always!!" Jesus Christ!

Went to church, praying, "Santa Maria,
Send me guidance, send me guidance,"
On my knees.
Went to church, praying, "Santa Maria,
Help me lose it, help me lose it.
Pretty please!"

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul
Came up to the top of my head.
And the voice from down at the bottom of my soul,
Here is what it said:

"This man is nothing!
This gym is nothing!
If you want something,
Go find another class.

And when you find one
You'll lose your Fat Ass."
And I assure you that's what
Finally came to pass.

Six months later I heard that Karp had died.
And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul...
And cried.
'Cause I felt... nothing.

With love and fontleroy!

30 August 2011

going through the motions

Got sick a wee little bit at CrossFit -
Now that makes me a "real" athlete!

Winning isn't everything
Wanting to win is!

Box Squats....Ring Rows....
Single Leg Dead Lifts....
OverHead Press.... Hollow'eens...
Which are like hollow holds!
At least that's what I thought the Trainer said.

"Just show up" is really all I did today!
They keep their end... I'll keep mine!
And we all get along swimmingly!

I slept like a fiend today - on and off for 18 hours... +
Then had this:
Spam, eggs and cheese for my meal today

Put the eggs in the blender for like a minute...
Seems like a long time - they get lots of air whipped into them
Then cook it like an omelet!

Then, as the Sun's Chariots made their way across the Summer Sky,
I realized this was the perfect ending to a perfect day!

Hope yours was good too!
Stay Strong!
(That's what she said)

carb blade

Been studying about not eatin' carbs - reckon?
Lot's of stuff in the Atkins book I don't rightly understand, though.

Too much carbs - makes a person all stove up...
That's the way I see it!

Maybe get some good walking in
Smoking er non-smoking?

Maybe some sports or sumptin'

Lots of coffee - mmm-hmmm!
Ya ought naught drink too much
Lesson ya get a bit nervous!

Oh no!
Watch out for "Carb-Creep!"

Just say "No!" to carbs, Karl!

They aim to kill you - reckon?
Reckon they do, at that!

Well, maybe this will wait - till next time!

Some people call it a dinner roll - 
I call it a Kaiser roll....

Watch out for this too!
Just a-saying!
Winking smile

With all the usual fontleroy!

29 August 2011

a thoughtful day

Some rain today - just about 10 minutes worth

Then back to record-breaking high temps 
with high humidity - 

A family member (of a patient) said that I had done such a good job 
working with them, and their little Granny -
They actually said that I was born to do Hospice!
And I agree.

They make lakes here by damming up things and flooding them...
The old bridges and streets and trees are still in place...
And they say, some of the houses under the water!

There is water at the bottom of the ocean -
Same as it ever was...

Almost - maybe less of it...

And here's me - looking like a scoundrel who never lost a pound.
Two neighbors called me "Chubby" this week.
Last weeks "Cinnamon Roll Fiasco"
Really showed me how very little "wiggle room"
I have - and how very "unfair" and stuff it all
seems to be sometimes.

Not complaining - I just never had to come to terms with
the age-old Dieter's Dilema.... (or old age!)
Not having my LoCarb Cake - and not getting to eat it, either.
It wasn't a binge - it was a wake-up call!
When it comes to sweets, there is no "off" switch for me.
Except to walk away - and start the damage control.

And how very serious being heavy is....
I'm just now understanding that it's a lifelong condition - 
And it's not always easy to make the right choices.
And walk a really fine line - real tight - all the time!
Up till now, it was virtually effortless for me...

I don't know if it's a Mid-Diet Crisis - or what!
I've been very deep in thought about the whole thing lately.
I'm sure it will resolve nicely.

Hope your day is strong!

butt - be - gone

Too many cookies - go right to your hips

Too many Beets and you might do this

I sprayed this first - With "Cake - Be - Gone"
So it was not a problem to me at all!

I sprayed this with "Bun - Be - Gone"
Works every time!

And this with "Shake - It - Up"
And the cake turned yukky 
and I didn't want it at all!

Then I went outside and sprayed a large area with "Sun - Be - Gone"
And the sun went down a few minutes earlier that it did last night 
At the same time!

Hope your day is great -
And strong! Stay strong!

28 August 2011

doctor doc

Time apparently collapsed - today...
About time it did, too.
I was getting pretty tired of
always slipping into the future!

Fingers and Wings

What the fork?

Can you hear me now?

The Auricle speaks

I was seriously tempted to check my own A1C
While we waited!

Good advice - 
"Pediatric - Do Not Destroy"!

Once the Cinnamon rolls leave your system,
the cravings are gone. Must be the anatomy
of a binge.

Back to sane eating!
And the best salads in the world...
If I do say so myself!

Hope your day is Strong 
all over the place!

27 August 2011

back to school

School is in session -
Always time to learn, I guess

It's actually very easy logic:

If THIS makes you feel better,
And THAT makes you feel worse....
Which one should I choose?
(Yet which one DO I sometimes choose?)
Disappointed smile

Flexin' in the kitchen
whilst making meals
that support my goals - 
In weight-loss AND in life!
Party smile

Egg (or tuna) salad is a hot weather fave
cuz ya don't have to cook (much)
or heat up the kitchen!

Crustless Quiche  - lovingly made for me
by a family member - who I inspired to
go back onto Atkins! He lost 80 pounds...
But, like any diet, when you stop following it,
the pounds find you again!

I set a 5 pound range (gain) for myself
The line I never want to cross - 
And haven't yet. Till now!
But that's ok. By the time I write
about it I'm already back on track.

Back back back to my happy place
Hold on - my banana phone is ringing.....
You know I can't get calls at work!
Winking smile

Hope your day is happy happy happy!
And strong!