31 December 2019

New Year’s Eve

A year ago today my Love Dove died. 
I didn’t accomplish my goals this year
My fasting was so effective 
I cheated much more than ever. 
I end this year 10 pounds up. 
But I’m so strong it’s just wild. 
I’m all muscles. 
Carbs make you fill up and out. 

29 December 2019

weak four

Four weeks of 72 hours of work. 
I’m tired!

Found this lovely Christmas pic. 
I must have been 6 weeks old. 

My favorite hobby. 
Listening to the rain. 

And having some coffee. 
Which gave me heartburn. 

I told the mom on the case
I got a job offer in Alaska. 
And she cried. 
No. You have to stay here. 
Ok. I will. 
For now! 

28 December 2019

mean old lesbian

Bad dreams about my Little Man 
I dreamed we went for a walk. 
And I lost him. 
I left him behind. 

Kitty Kat knows what’s warm

Little Man Z Dogg lost a tooth! 
It just came out. 
With a little persuasion. 

I have been aware of a kind of
Bullying where you’re left out. 
Not included. 
I’ve had that all my life. 
At home, growing up,
In school. 

In Band Camp I had to sleep
On a roll away bed
Because no one wanted to share
A bed with the Big Bad Lesbian. 

In college, same thing. 
Always expected to contribute,
But not really in the 
“Cool Kids Club.”
Even if they had less talent. 

With relationships. 
Allowed to cook for the party. 
Allowed to cleanup after the party. 
But not allowed to sit at the same table. 
Drug addicts,alcoholics- 
Bring the Gay Divorcée-
No matter. Just not me. 

Now at work. 
Things other nurses do
Are excusable. Understandable. 
I do the same things,
And it’s nearly criminal. 

Social control, I guess. 
I’ll be glad to be away from that. 

This Nursing Life Coach
Has helped clarify my thoughts. 
In ways I never imagined. 

27 December 2019

unusual day

I can literally set my clock 
To the wake up effect of 
Even a small serving of wine. 
Crappy sleep - 
And 6 hour alarm clock goes off. 
Save that noise for the college kids. 

Winter in North Texas. 
Only use our heavy coats
Now and again. 

I do like this picture. 

Nancy from Oliver! 
Seen in LA just being awesome. 

Sitting at work in a chair. 
This hit me. 

I never needed to be something 
famous or great or even well-known. 
I’ve always just kind of followed along. 

It occurred to me I could probably do more. 
Why the Universe waited
Till I’m almost 60 to tell me this? 

If I start the day keto
I’m usually ok all day. 
I take one bite off plan - the day is gone. 
I don’t usually go back for seconds. 
But the cravings - my god
The cravings make it unbearable. 

So I need to not take the first bite
Or learn to be “stronger.”

26 December 2019

boxing day

Both headlights are out. 
Subaru has a problem. 
It’s not just me. Not Trekkie. 

I crashed on the couch. 
All the holiday drunk drivers 
Have the cops on every corner. 

I don’t want a ticket
And I do t want to be unsafe. 

The family made 
Butter Chicken 
For me, for Christmas. 

All fresh ingredients. 

Lick the plate. 

What Santa does today. 
He’s earned it. 

Now it’s time to focus 
On vacation, and short term goals...
And travel, and long term goals. 

25 December 2019

merry christmas

Merry Christmas! 
Much love to you all! 

I think I’m gonna make it. 
I started fasting again 
-broth and coffee-
And it feels right. 
No wine means 
No more mild dehydration. 
And the sugar cravings are gone. 

I did the math- 
I’m going to be able
To pay for all my goals
By summer. 
I must have miscalculated 
And I was losing my motivation. 
But now that the money is coming in
From all these shifts I’ve been working. 
I have restored my confidence. 

Not drinking wine and eating out 
Every day - adds up. 
Even a modest $10 a day is
$300 a month. 
$3500 a year! 
That’s a cruise! 
<more ugh>