30 April 2020

food staycationing

Up all night. 

A normal, rational person 
Would not eat something pointless 
Or poisonous or just trashy. 
Or something that makes them sick. 

So I’ve been eating what I wanted. 
No limits. 

And I tasted it. 
Really smelled it 
And tasted it
And examined the texture
And in every case -
I can do 1000 times better
With my own 2 hands
And a handful of ingredients 
From my pantry. 
Usually no recipe needed. 
Just common sense.

Here are the foods I bought and tasted. 
Key lime pie. 
Chicken quesadillas. 
Pizza RollUp. 
Red sauce. 
Coffee ice cream.
Lemon cupcake 

Most of these foods - 
I took one bite 
And spit the rest out. 

They didn’t fit with my idea
Of what they would be like. 
Or how I remembered them to be. 

I waited 10 years for a slice of pizza- 
And it was thick and dry and bland
And used fake grease
And very skimpy cheese. 
In fact, there was barley 
One ounce of meat and cheese! 
No way a pizza is worth $20 
These days. 

The cupcake. 
Dry. Nasty. Stale. 
No bite to the lemon. 
Too bright yellow. 
Almost fluorescent. 

The pie. 
Once my fave. 
Key Lime Pie. 
The serving was small
Like 2 bites. 
Mostly crust. 
Off texture filling. 
Like freezer burn. 
Or it had thawed and been refrozen. 
The equivalent of a prison TV dinner
But for pie. 

I mean I analyzed these foods 
like a judge on a food show. 

Not one I liked. 
Not one. 

I didn’t even finish the beer. 
Have my tastes changed 
completely now? 

Swedish Fish candy. 
For Ramadan - for kids. 
I ate one. 
I looked it up. 
Carnauba wax. 
In kids candy? 
A substitute for gelatin. 
Because the cows are not Halal. 
Really? Car Wax? 

That is some crazy shit. 
I finally pulled my sweet tooth! 

ending the lockdown

From Facebook. 
A Crone Of Anarchy. 

Cleaning out some old business. 
No offense meant,
But isn’t it crazy when a 
Storefront opens up-
And you can’t even remember 
What was just there? 

Cleaning out some 
50,000 pictures 

I wanted some pizza
Since I’m still on vacation. 
Even though I’m working. 
With beer. I didn’t finish either. 
Then I had nightmares all night.
 - and heartburn. 
Which I haven’t had for months.

Time to check those foods 
Off my Rainman List
Of foods I want to have
One more time before I die. 

29 April 2020

perfect broken record

Chili and Cottage Cheese
My month without dairy
Was blah. I missed it. 
And it didn’t help my weight. 
Or feels. So, I added it back. 

The nurses I work with 
Are mean, cunning, rude, 
And they lie. 
They said I left poop 
In the wheelchair 
Last week. 
But I wasn’t even here that day! 
So I just leave them to it. 
I’m so done with them! 

From the start, this job has been 
Extremely high maintenance. 
No job is with what I go through 
Just to work here. 

My Coach will be glad to know it! 

perfect record broken

Welcome to Dallas. 
Home of the worst traffic ever. 
New York has subways and cabs. 
LA has turn outs. 
When we have a wreck here
Especially with all the construction, 
It can literally take hours to untangle. 
Plus Dallas’ Finest like to 
Slow things down. 
It’s  even worse when there is a fatality. 

So enjoy the view. 
Put on some music. 
Call the Boss. 
You’re not going anywhere! 
Also- trust me - this is good advice -
ALWAYS go to the bathroom 
BEFORE you leave. 

28 April 2020

labs 2020


Kitty Chow 
Freaking cats eat better than I do! 

Masks are love on the face. 
Love in motion. 

Half assed efforts 
Are better than none. 

A drive in the country. 
I forgot half of what 
I was supposed to bring. 

One beer a week. 
My day off treat. 
With dinner. 
Usually a hamburger. 
OMG! I eat the same thing every day. 
And I seldom get tired of it. 

Blue Moon is unfiltered. 
This is coffee beer. 
That is lovely. 
Dr Shanahan says 
fermented things are good. 
I do miss wine. 
I’m not a fan of beer. 
One is my limit. 

But also, I lived in Germany. 
American beer isn’t going to 
Capture my fancy. 
I’m spoiled. Lol. 

Labs done. 
Waiting for the results. 
HA1c, and CRP. 

I want to check for fasting insulin. 
But this group doesn’t offer that test. 
So a CRP (c- Reactive Protein)
Is the next best thing. 
Or the end result of 
Insulin, at any rate. 

27 April 2020

labs and slabs

Getting some labs done. 
I like to do them twice a year. 
No one can say I’m not thorough
With my Low Carb “experiment!”

My life.
A blooming mess. 
At least it’s not dead. 

The secret to getting them 
To eat organ meat
Is to be strict and not give them 
Anything else until they finish. 
Trust me. They’ll finish. 

Blogging in the waiting room
Of the lab. 
Everyone is wearing a mask. 
I’ve been able to give many masks
To nurses and families. 
Thanks to everyone who 
Made these masks! 

Getting a CBC, CMP,

For all the Lipid Haters 

26 April 2020

quarantine dreams

This is a list of what I want to cook
And take to work for food prep. 
Not in any order. 

Baby Back Ribs

Sausage Links
Reuben Chaffles. 

Chuck Roast
Pork Tenderloin with Cabbage.
Chicken / Honey Mustard 

Chicken Salad
Tuna Salad
Crab Cakes

LC General Tso Chicken

Whenever I dream about food,
It usually means I’m not getting enough 

Some highlights from the Shanahan book:
She says there are 4 Pillars of healthy food. 
1 MEAT on the Bone
2 ORGAN meat
4 RAW Foods 

I was much healthier 
Earlier in my Low Carb Journey. 
I ate a wide variety of food. 
In fact, I tried to have 
something new every week. 

I think for me OMAD is better. 
Maybe even ADF
-Alternate Day Fasting-
Just because it’s so hard to have 
The hunger that comes with OMAD. 

chili dogg

Crap Ingredients. 
Oh well. 
This quarantine Is making for some
Strange bedfellows. 

Amazing. Low N6. 
If that is accurate. 
I have no heartburn or reflux. 
And no hunger or joint pain.  

Now and then I get a bite or two of gluten. 
I’m not that picky. 
But I should be. 
I think it’s the offender. 

Woke up early listening to
 A Chorus Line. 
I listened to that daily for probably 2 years. 
In college. 
Morning, noon, and night. 

Three days off 
Starts tomorrow. 
I want to clean up my room
And get organized. 
I heard that I might be gifted
Another day 
On a permanent basis. 
This needs to happen. 

The lockdown is being lifted. 
It will have been 40 days. 
Which is exactly what 
Quarantine means.