food staycationing

Up all night. 

Ugh. 

A normal, rational person 

Would not eat something pointless 

Or poisonous or just trashy. 

Or something that makes them sick. 

So I’ve been eating what I wanted. 

Anything. 

No limits. 

And I tasted it. 

Really smelled it 

And tasted it

And examined the texture

And in every case -

I can do 1000 times better

With my own 2 hands

And a handful of ingredients 

From my pantry. 

Usually no recipe needed. 

Just common sense.

Here are the foods I bought and tasted. 

Key lime pie. 

Chicken quesadillas. 

Pizza RollUp. 

Red sauce. 

Coffee ice cream.

Lemon cupcake 

Most of these foods - 

I took one bite 

And spit the rest out. 

They didn’t fit with my idea

Of what they would be like. 

Or how I remembered them to be. 

I waited 10 years for a slice of pizza- 

And it was thick and dry and bland

And used fake grease

And very skimpy cheese. 

In fact, there was barley 

One ounce of meat and cheese! 

No way a pizza is worth $20 

These days. 

The cupcake. 

Dry. Nasty. Stale. 

No bite to the lemon. 

Too bright yellow. 

Almost fluorescent. 

The pie. 

Once my fave. 

Key Lime Pie. 

The serving was small

Like 2 bites. 

Mostly crust. 

Off texture filling. 

Like freezer burn. 

Or it had thawed and been refrozen. 

The equivalent of a prison TV dinner

But for pie. 

I mean I analyzed these foods 

like a judge on a food show. 

Not one I liked. 

Not one. 

I didn’t even finish the beer. 

Have my tastes changed 

completely now? 

Swedish Fish candy. 

For Ramadan - for kids. 

I ate one. 

Waxy. 

I looked it up. 

Carnauba wax. 

In kids candy? 

A substitute for gelatin. 

Because the cows are not Halal. 

Really? Car Wax? 

That is some crazy shit. 

I finally pulled my sweet tooth!