16 October 2010

sweet dreams

Flowers from the hospice symposium yesterday

Food is everywhere - all the time

I am learning to walk past it without having the temptation -
 or the desire - even a thought "lurking" in my mind.
That is the hardest part.

The behaviour - I got. 
The attitude change is a little incomplete.
There are still some moments of temptation. But less than before.
It's the inconsistency I am looking to correct.
And the lack of integrity between my thoughts and my behaviour.

That seems to be something that needs "healing" (time?)
More than correction. If I could "fix"myself, 
presumably I would have never gotten off course,
or stayed off course in the first place.

Will I always have cravings? Maybe.
Do I have to give in to them? Never.
Will I mess up and give in? Yes.
Can I get right back on track?
Oh yes - definitely!


Dude, where's the elevator?

A picturesque scene, 
modernized with lots of underground parking!

Me and Baby - that's her name.... my Mac!
(She says "hi," by the way)
Set up my little corner and took lots of pics!
Sure hope they can find a couple of good ones 
to use for the local nursing magazine.

The Lab Coat Test
Didn't get to wear it....but it did fit

With only a slight BeDonkeyDonk going on.
I'm just glad it could close in front!

Visceral fat (link) is different than skeletal muscle fat, it seems.
So I've changed my LoCarb approach. Now I eat much much less fat.
Much much much less. Did I mention that already?
So now I have hunger for the first time (other than fasting.)

I have two protein shakes a day. Then one meal at home.
And lots of water. No daily snacks/ treats.
Unless Advil counts as a treat!

There are days I question the value of my very existence
with out treats. You might as well tell a child that there is no Santa.
Wah! - Sez me!

Some days, the forbidden foods occupy my every thought.
And I get into all kinds of goofy dialoges in my head:

Sooooo.... all my life, I never get a treat?
For the rest of my life? 
Never even one? Right! That's freaking genius.

Sooooo... do I really need to put forth all this effort
to reach a goal that I really don't want to reach?
If it's this hard will I be able to maintain it?
Will it require all my energy to keep my thoughts controlled?

Que the Drama! 
YouTube Video
Boolean Logic - is like"if/then"
It is a sign (for me) of The Crazy Brain /ego
talk, because "IF" is always in the future.
And the future hasn't existed yet. (By definition.)

IF I get hungry...
IF I go mad from want of chocolate...
IF I fail...
IF I succeed...
If something happened - other than this - I would finally be happy!

Now I see the error of my thinking.
Remembering, of course, 
that error is a call for correction, not punishment.
Finally I am starting my true weight-loss journey.
Getting ready for pre-maintenence.
Everything up till now was just form. The "how."
Now I am into the content. The "why."

It's like the difference between just playing notes on a piano,
(even though the notes were accurate)
and playing a beautiful song.
One is theory. 
The other just "typing." 
Hope your weekend is shaping up to be great!


  1. And I don't even like chocolate... per-se!

  2. Why are you reducing your fat intake if I may inquire?? :-) 'splain!!!

  3. It sounds like you had all sorts of benefits from attending the symposium. Not only did it sound interesting, you "got" to get stronger resisting temptation (yah, thanks a lot, right?), had the fun of people not even recognizing you, and it sounds like you have been doing some deep thinking and come away with new insights!

    By the way... with your coloring, you look fabulous in those lighter colors!


  4. Auntie Mandy - indeed! the "chip" monk
    Ariel - I'll put it in a post! Thanks for asking!
    Loretta - the class was great - included a talk on
    the time/space continuum of near death experiences!

  5. Yes, why reducing fat? I've been wondering if I should do the same. My fat seems to be mainly visceral. So hard to shift it!

    Glad you enjoyed the Symposium!

  6. That's a lot of food to walk past. I can completely relate to your thoughts about all of that food being served and your feelings/attitudes towards it.

  7. You made my day with the one to grow on! SMILING back at ya!

  8. lots of love to you and Baby for the collaborative effort in producing this form of art { dont like the word "blog" i wish there was a more poetic word } which lets us into your heart and soul xoxoxooxox winnie

  9. Great post (as ALWAYS!)
    You're right, there will always be temptation, but we DON'T have to give in do we?
    It's still so hard for me, but I know it will bet better- even if it never really goes away!

  10. Wow - what a great post - sounds like you have had quite a revelation when it comes to food and dieting!

    You model that lab coat quite well!

  11. so many useful, intriguing
    things in this post, Anne!

    looking to correct inconsistency
    lack of integrity
    between thought and behaviour

    questioning the value of existence
    without treats
    that's devil talk

    forget if
    deal with today
    and today only

    well, give it a try anyway

    how > why
    notes > song

  12. Love the cool new pens. I am distracted by new, free shiny pens as well :) I always bring back a new pen for the ladies at work when I travel. I am such a goof.


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