It started as a regular day -
A little tired.... maybe a little hungry....
Ready for a day off.
The UPS guy did his "Thing"
Which means that if it's a heavy package,
he leaves a note on the door -
and lies - and says no one was at home.
Even though I left a note for him to leave the package
with a neighbor.... AND when he came by today -
I was actually at home! Imagine that!
I was at home, waiting for the package.
He did not knock, or ring the bell, or try to get me at all.
I was so mad - at all the lying and deceit -
(By now, it's not about a stupid package)
And this last week's bullying episode at work....
All this lying and blaming -
Something has to give.
There really has got to be a better way!
I was so mad, I could have quit - everything!
I went to CrossFit and almost walked out...
I finally settled down a little bit ago.
This business of losing weight is hard.
Working out is hard.
In my mind it looks like one thing - all greatness!
Greatness with ease... which don't always occur together, anyhow.
In reality I look like a person with a great impairment...
Showing my true colors... throwing a fit - over nothing at all.
Maybe this is the turning point that people reach
When they decide to quit - or go on -
However ungraceful or unsophisticated it may be.
I don't know.
I just know I really don't like what just happened...
What kind of crazy shit was that?
Me - cussing out a UPS clerk because some driver
can't or won't carry up a package to some poor slob's apartment.
Me - not wanting to fail or look ridiculous - because I'm not strong.
And I can't do better with my body - or make better choices -
When the choices seem to be between what's "bad" and what's "worse."
Maybe it's time for a good little meal, and off to bed -
So much needs to be done - I guess it can wait.
*sigh*
This must be the hard part!
In the past, I quit everything when it gets too hard...
ReplyDeleteor too "real" .... but now I want to change all that...
Sounds like a mess - but I gotta start somewhere!
What - a - day for a What - a - burger! No bun of course
ReplyDeleteWondering if doing something creative might help. You are one of the most creative people I know!
ReplyDeleteIt's progress, not perfection. We can't expect to suddenly know how to deal with every situation in a perfect way. Sometimes we (me) make mistakes and we get to try again tomorrow.
ReplyDeletePlease, please, please be gentle with yourself. Evaluate and then just let it go. You can choose to handle things differently in the future, but this one is gone.
Don't forget all the fabulous, fab-u-lous, FABULOUS changes that you have made in the course of a very short time. Treat yourself through this as you would a dear, dear friend because that's what we have to be first - our own best friend and advocate.
Hugs....
Be kind to yourself
ReplyDeleteWorry about what you can't control
Not the bully... I believe what goes around comes around
UPS man ... Ditto the bully
Do something super wonderful for yourself,
Mud wrap, massage, mani/pedi, maybe time for a vacation?
((((((hugs))))))
-----------> sending warm fuzzies from California
That was DON'T worry about what you can not control
ReplyDeleteDuh
Sounds like you were at the end of your rope today, and I'm sorry for that. I won't give you the trite "tie a knot and hang on" because whenever anyone tells me that, I want to sock them one. So I'll just say that I hope today was your last bad day for a long time...big hugs to you, Anne!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your day off turned out this way. It's so frustrating when we know someone is lying and they just get away with it. I hope tomorrow is a brighter, happier day.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had a rough day! Never give up, never surrender!!! Guess what movie that's from! It's my mantra.
ReplyDeleteYep, twins. I so get where you are coming from. I used to quit things, too. Turn around, burn bridges and leave to start something new. Build that, work on it and then a dark moment comes and the cycle of burning starts again. But you know what, I am tired of rebuilding and always coming to a certain point and not advancing. Not going to do it any more and I know you will not do it either. I know you won't quit this time. So it's hard and people suck and we suck sometimes, but you just keep going and things get better eventually. They always do.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you, Anne. Keep fighting. No quitting!
Anne, I'm sorry you had a bad day. It happens to all of us and sometimes it inspires a complete meltdown but don't feel bad about it. Maybe you needed to release the tension of being on your plan for so long. It can be a long and frustrating process and you have done well for so long. Hang in there. Hugs.
ReplyDelete