04 November 2010

defensive driving

I had to take a Defensive Driving Course (on line)
to offset my traffic ticket I got a few months ago. [link]

And it was pretty interesting to see that my mind is
still absorbed (notice I didn't say "fixated?")
with weight-loss metaphors.

I thought I was over it!
Will I ever be "over" my weight-loss issues?
They are part of me, and part of my history now. 
But being heavy no longer defines me.

The class said that most wrecks could be avoided.
That's why they are so tragic.
They involve reasons like this:
 Going Too Fast
Going Too Slow
Emotional Driving
Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol and/or Drugs
Not Paying Attention To Signs (along the way)
 Following Too Close

Kind of like Weight Loss, and real life.
Not paying attention. Using poor judgement.
Not maintaining your vehicle (or body.)
Going too fast - too slow for the conditions...
Not being in control of your own "vehicle."
Blaming others, blaming circumstances....
Failing to yield. 
Eating Emotionally.

And then they showed a lot of pictures of wrecks.
I guess we don't see enough in real life!
We do see enough obesity in real life,
and yet we don't react (by changing our habits.)

I went to sleep really early last night,
and slept all night, and most of today.
And had wild dreams - but I wasn't distressed by them.

Instead, I knew I was dreaming. 
Like a dream within a dream.
Like the Dream Me woke up - in the dream!
And when she did, all the destruction and wrecks 
that I dreamed about, were not there - as if they never happened!
And because it was a dream - they never really DID happen.

I take that to mean it's all ok.
At last! I finally got quiet enough -
if only for a moment.... to be ok.
(Notice I didn't say "liberated?")

So, no- still not over it entirely.
But now I'm aware of the true nature of my
worst nightmare - my own needs and desires.
And me, trying to find unsuitable ways to satisfy them.
Physical substitutes for something 
Something I can't even name - 

And it is here, that I am lost - for words!
My dear Mother once asked me to "describe chocolate."
Well, you can't. Not in words. 
You have to experience it!

Dreaming of socks that can blog...
What would they say?


  1. what an amazing mind you have
    socks that talk saying help
    or is it hell
    and what do they dream about

    wrecks in cars always noticed
    wrecks in life rarely noticed
    being absorbed
    in a personal wreck gone good

    wanting it all to be good
    dreams and the real schamoli
    all good
    not having to deal with wrecks

  2. It says "Help" but sock are notoriously bad spellers....
    "Hell" works, too!

  3. I'm so glad to hear that you slept, and that you weren't distressed by your dreams. I pray that the feeling of being "OK" multiplies exponentially each day. I'm OK, you're OK, right? BTW, have you made plans for your birthday yet?

  4. Funny you should ask that, Karyn!
    I was just changing the color of the blog to green
    In honor of Wicked....Which
    (wicked witch - get it? heehee)
    I am going to take a trip and go see!
    And thanks for the prayers and good thoughts.
    I sometimes don't think my story turns out well....
    But most of the time I do.

  5. You may not believe this, but I am actually enjoying my 50s. Not the aches and creaks, but the fact that I really don't care what others think of me (except my family, of course.)


  6. Oh my gosh, Anne! You are going to LOVE Wicked!!! I've seen it three times and I would totally see it again! Where are you going? I'll meet you there!! ;-)

  7. I never got to see Wicked when it was in Chicago! :(

  8. And all that brought on by a traffic ticket???lol

  9. I like the green back ground and with your wickedly beautiful face you really stand out.

    Love when you sock it to me...it's corny but I couldn't resist :)

  10. What would a sock say? "Hey, where's Lefty?! He was here in the dryer with me just a minute ago ..."

    We may not be able to adequately describe chocolate, but the exercise of trying can often lead to new revelations.

    Glad you had a really good night's sleep!

  11. Interesting about your dream within a dream... and it seems like you are peeling away layers and each time revealing new things.

    Fascinating the wt loss metaphors you see all around!


  12. You rock my friend, always worth stopping by. love the metaphors. hugs

  13. Love the talking socks approach to what is their life. Asking for help in real life was always too difficult for me. Like you, the last time I attended traffic school I did learn a lot and found that the course wasn't boring at all.

  14. I like those nights when I have wacky dreams yet KNOW that Im dreaming. Its kind of like an amusement park or something, where you know you're safe but on a real wild ride! Have a great weekend anne!

  15. I love the socks... spelling out an sos....
    save our socks!


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