03 May 2011

lonely day

It's been over three weeks (count 'em) since I fell.
And busted my skull in a few places. (scalp, really)
I was knocked out for like 3 hours. (I'm old - what can I say?)
Waking up somewhere else is like something that happens on tv.
Up till now, I've never even fainted!

The bumps and bruises are healing. 
And the swelling is finally down.

But it really did change everything for me.
I knew it would.

Most of the blood was on the cement - they had to bleach it.
The neighbors got together and threw away
the lawn chairs. This is after I came home from the ER.

You find out who your real friends are when something big happens.
I actually lost people over this event. (Gone. Bye-bye.)
And re-gained some back. (Hiya! Glad to see ya!)

I remember waking up and saying to myself 
"I deserve better than this." Looking at all that blood...
Shit! (cussing alert)
I answered myself with a bunch of self-love, on a very rudimental level.
I really never missed a beat. I went right into the mode. 


Once, years ago, my dear little Mother fell and broke her hip.
And her arm - where she put it out to stop her fall.
Drinking. (If you were drinking at all, they always blame the drinking)
And when my Aunt found her, she started to cry.
My Mother's immediate response was.....
"Don't cry - we don't have time!"

So, like Mother, like daughter, I guess.
I was already plotting what needs to happen next.
Simplify my work schedule. Done.
Commit to my training schedule. Done.
Clean my apartment and keep it clean. Semi-done.

Decide (once and for all) that no "bad" thing (or people)
will cross the threshold of my home.
Done.  So I look around and it's pretty lonely here.

Training and cleaning up your act is hard work.
It's not glam to do the right thing
when no-one will ever know or notice.
Except you yourself.


Hope your day is wonderful.
Mine is. It's all good!
Thanks for reading

25 comments:

  1. What a lovely post, thoughtful and insightful. I don't always comment because you usually get SO MANY comments by the time I get around to reading

    But since I'm the first....thank you.

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  2. hey anne, I know what you mean. I am in a strange place right now as well...on the cusp of something and I want so badly for everything to just fall in place. I am just going to have to let it happen. Sometimes the lonely times are when we grow the most.

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  3. I think there are always moments in life--if you live long enough like we have, ahem--when you re-evaluate. You look to see who and what is positive and who or what is toxic, and you make wise choices accordingly.

    I believe you have and you soon see that you have cleared a path for all sorts of new and beautiful things to be a part of your life. Better things. And end to lonelinesses. :)

    You deserve the best, A!

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  4. Right!
    I'm a wee bit lonely, but it's not the sad kind of lonely.
    It's the thoughtful kind - with lots of quiet time.

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  5. ahhhh yes I can relate to this.

    about 5.5 years ago I was compelled to trim the friendship tree as well.
    it was sad shocking and yet has allowed me to flourish in a was I never imagined I could.

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  6. Great post, anne. One I can definitely relate to. Moving into a place where we make the best self-care decisions can certainly make other people uncomfortable. I'm so glad you are doing good things for you and I'm sorry about the lonely. I understand that, too.

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  7. can I come over?

    Toxic relationships are sometimes hard to end, sometimes we never have the strength to do it. Bravo Anne :)

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  8. I want to be a leaf on your friendship tree. :)

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  9. I can't wait for you to visit NY, Anne :)

    I think this is your most revealing post! Loved it!

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  10. I just talked about this in therapy yesterday Anne :) Yep, sometimes we need to shuffle out the old and bring in the new. Doing what is best for us is always the best decision. You still have all of us if you're lonely :) *hugs*

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  11. Every home, closet, LIFE needs a good scrubbing down and clearing out once in a while. Mama always said when you lose something/someone, another BETTER thing/one will come along to replace it. Just have to practice patience while you wait.

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  12. Thanks, y'all - who knew such good change would come from a bump in the head?
    I guess the Universe had to get my attention someway! ;)

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  13. I have recently put some distance between a toxic family member and me. I feel so much more peaceful. Great post!

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  14. I feel your sadness, Anne. Sometimes things happen for a reason and I believe that you will come out of recent events a stronger person. You will be fine. I'm sorry about the loneliness. I understand that feeling all to well, in spite of having my husband and son here. They are here but Not here. Reach out when you can. Someone will be there.

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  15. Oh Lordy that looks a mess! Heads bleed too much when we split them open.

    Helen reminded us to practice patience. This is my FAVORITE quote about that: "Patience is waiting.
    Not passively waiting. That is laziness.
    But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience."

    Yes, patience is good. Alone-ness can be good, too. It gives us an opportunity to practice patience!

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  16. Late in getting to read this and to comment....Ive had things happen to me which caused some er, shifting of the friends I thought were true also. It can be a wake up call, or it can confirm what we kinda knew all along. Im a firm believer in the universe or whatever one chooses to CALL it making corrections. Glad to hear your booboos on the outside are almost all better. I like the expression though I dont know where I picked it up from: "Honor is doing the right thing even when nobody is looking". So, honor yourself with doing the right thing, cuz you deserve it!

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  17. OMG, that looked like a crime scene investigation or I thought it was another Bin Laden death scene photo (which I personally did not look at but a fraction of a second, because Yahoo forces their news pics before you go to mail). That is lots of blood. I know where you are coming from, though. I spent 2 weeks in a hospital after Grandma(me) got run over by her Bronco (full sized each tire clump clump fully concious) holiday season 2009. It is way too long to post on comment. Happy to be alive. Use emergency brakes...don't leave your dog in the car when it is running.

    Anne...I read all of the previous comments. ALL. You may be lonely, but you sure are not alone. You have such a wonderful support network. Oh and I see my new rock idol replacement The Princess up there! I am so glad that Jack's site linked you both to me. Thanks.

    I take it you don't like excuses, but considering...you can always say jokingly," I musta bumped my head"...and have real meaning in the situation. And hopefully laugh.

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  18. Indeed! I laughed so hard - I couldn't stop laughing.
    I still giggle at the thought of it all...
    heehee

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  19. Reminds me that we never know for sure if something that happened was *bad* or *good* because we don't know the rest of the story...we don't know how the future will turn out...stuff that seems horrible at the time has often turned out to be helpful later...

    Know what you mean about drinking. It's *always because of* drinking if a drink was had...never viewed as related to something else. Kinda that way with obesity, too. Every illness *must* be related to the FATZ. Sigh. People are interesting.

    Easier to simply quit (booze and most carbs), in my case. Lesson: even annoying injustices might serve a larger purpose??? Dunno. Story is still happening... :)

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  20. I am a firm believer in doing the right thing even if you think no one else is watching. The Universe is big and never sleeps...someone is watching.

    I think you should get a statue of Ganesha to put in your doorway...he is the Remover of Obstacles.

    Sorry you are feeling lonely...hugs galore!

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  21. Of course people will notice! When you feel good about your changes it shows in so many way.

    I'm really proud of you Anne for taking a really tough situation and turning it into a positive, life changing experience. I know it's not easy but you are taking the bull by the horns, as they say, and making some great changes.

    Keep on keeping on and hang in there. YOu're doing all the right htings.

    xoxo jj

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  22. Wow you have been through the mill ... I'm glad you are well and truly mended now. Sad about losing friends over your accident!
    Know how it can happen though!
    My hubby was in hospital for over a month years ago with Rheumatic Fever (he was 29!) and virtually NONE of our so called friends offered to help me with our 6 small children! NONE.
    So I had to ask for help from a Church Support Group!
    I still get cross when I remember that.

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  23. “You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
    - Mary Pickford

    Starting over is hard but it's the most rewarding thing you can do. You are worth it.

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  24. Thanks, Lee and everyone for your kind words!
    I feel good - No worries!

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