got it!

You look at something, and sometimes "it is what it is."

So obvious, once you see it.

And you can never be fooled or tricked again.

Because now you know!

It's a weight-loss/ life metaphor.

After several months of try, try, trying, I finally broke the code!

I got it! I get it! 

The situation that has currently vexed me the most in my life.

And I am free from the "heavy*ness" and rejection that was on top of me.

No longer humiliated by my own inadequacy to figure it all out.

It's so simple, once you step back and see it for what it is.

I might not be right - but at least the worst part is over.

Clues and cues were everywhere; I wasn't reading them.

Now the fun in life can really begin.

Fun - what a concept!

It's been a while.

Once, when I was very young, I found a padlock.

The kind with the numbers on a dial, like for a locker.

I spent all summer trying to figure out the code.

And I did, in record time.

THIS one took a while, however.

I almost quit trying. 

I have never doubted myself -

Hated myself? Until this.

It was awful and it was for real.

I didn't submit to it though.

And now, for the first time in so many months,

I slept without worrying -

Not the kind of sleep that comes from exhaustion.

But the kind that comes from forgiveness and understanding.

By that, I mean - to experience a moment of real Love

that somehow took the place of the depression of the past,

anxiety of the future, and fear of the present moment.

Without judgement.

At least on some level.

Healing, perhaps? Acceptance?

"A New Day"?

And so far, without having a reaction formation.

You know, using coping skills instead of defense mechanisms...

'Bout time!

I dreamed about Harriet Tubman last night.

Woke up singing the song "The Underground Railroad."

That was the confirmation, so to speak, that I was looking for.

Thank you kindly to everyone who has been along for my blog journey.

It was just about the best time I have ever had in my life!

True even though the journey was (at times) arduous.

Sulky at times, but sincere.

Some bright companions you are!

I bought new pants for my upcoming trip.

34 waist shorts. 

Last year, at this time, they were 44's.

Medium shirts instead of 2x.

Monster w/protein

Creatine, water

Coffee w/sf hot choc

Atkins bar

6,000 steps

Party later? :)

Pass the RockStar!

This Just In...

Three days have passed, and I still feel the same!

So perhaps it's mine to keep.

*sigh* of relief - not a sigh of longing