vigil

My little minion cups. 

All of a sudden, 

Everything is yellow. 

Good to get some Jack Kruse sunshine. 

The baby never got any sun. 

And the Mom and I tried to take her out

 for a little walk when the weather allowed. 

Her little Baby Butt Diaper! 

When I first started she might have been

 5 pounds and some change. 

So the family had a Rosary and Vigil for The Baby, 

And the Big Sister was there. 

She ran to me, and hugged me, 

and took me by the hand, and said 

“Anne! Come see my Baby Sister!” 

Which of course, I did. 

The priest asked me if anyone 

wanted to get up and share a story.

 He said it would be a great time 

for caregivers to speak!  So I did. 

I called Olivia “Little Love Dove.” 

Because she was like a Holy Being.

 Like the Holy Spirit just would shine 

through her and smile through her.

 True and beautiful story. 

She was Love Personified. 

So I went to have a moment 

with the Baby, and the Big Sister 

had put a little toy in the casket! 

It wasn’t even a toy. It was the 

edge of those little interlocking play mats! 

Big Sister and I had many Tea Parties 

with those silly things. 

The red ones are “strawberry.” 

And the green ones are “cactus.”

Just so you know. 

And the floor is lava. 

And for some reason, at that moment,

Standing at her little casket,

 I knew everything was going to be ok. 

That was actually perfect. 

It was like I had fallen, and was pinned under 

some heavy velvet theatre curtains-

 as if the curtains had fallen on me. 

And in that very moment, seeing that toy, 

someone raised the curtains. 

I physically felt a weight come off of me. 

I told the Mom that was what I was most grateful for. 

That silly little playmat edge. 

Big Sister had taken it with her to the funeral home. 

I wonder if was planning to give it to the baby. 

👶🏽 

Afterwards, everyone stands around. 

You know how they stand around.

 Nowhere near the casket, of course. 

This little coffin. All draped in white. 

All flanked with wreaths on easels. 

And the little Baby

 just being so calm and peaceful

 in her little white outfit...

She hated headbands and she had one on,

So I knew she was ok with it now. 

Some bigger kids came up and touched her. 

Maybe 4 to 5 years old kids. 

“She’s cold!”

Yes. 

“She not having any life!”

Yes. 

The put their hands on her chest 

and I told them to be gentle 

and not really handle her so much please. 

And please don’t be pressing 

on “my” little “Liv.”

People whose name is Olivia 

Offer get called “Liv.”

I like it. 

Where the heck are the parents 

at a time like this! 

“Is she dead?”

Pregnant pause. 

Well, she is. Yes. 

I’m never really sure how to handle this. 

All the years as a nurse and no 2 people agree. 

So the funeral is today. 

It's an all day deal. 

And it’s going to be a pretty day!