The parents were not for the GOP
So we all got along. That’s a plus!
I was once talking about my Ex,
And the Mom asked how long it had been since I had seen HER - so she already knew I was gay, and out...
And that was no hurdle for our relationship.
In Pediatric Home Health
It’s seldom the kids or the work
that is a problem. It’s bonding
With the family.
Moms and Dads with special kids
Often don’t have the energy to be
Full of grace.
Most of them are one step away
from a total breakdown.
The Baby played with my nose,
And face, and hair!
She could really grab and pull hard!
We spent hours a day sitting in a rocking chair,
and doing Baby things.
Talking about anything
And nothing at all.
I said many times
“If you have a problem,
Then *I* have a problem.
And whatever it is, we’re going to find
a way to get through it. Together. “
My face with her on Thursday.
Hospital on Saturday.
Gone on Monday.
In Hospice, we say that
Every Day Is A Gift.
And yes. There’s so much emotional risk
For exactly what I’m going through.
I might have mentioned,
I’ve been asking for this position
Turns out I’m not as tough as I thought.
She had a very small chance
to even be born.
An equally small chance
To come home from hospital.
And like a 1% chance to live one year.
I guess I thought I would see a sign.
I guess I thought I would be ready.
I guess I thought she would live forever,
And miraculously be the first baby
To beat all the odds.
Since she was so smart and happy.
And in fact, somehow Devine.
She would cry.
My God- how she would cry!
A hallmark sign for Hospice
Morphine and Lorazepam can’t touch it.
Fentanyl can’t touch it.
Drugs just knock them out
while the angst subsides.
With kids, you obviously have to be
cautious with opiates.
So we played 3,4,5.
AKA “Stop, Look, and Listen.”
We see 3 things.
We feel 4 things.
And we listen for 5 things.
The “game” takes a minute or 2.
And it’s really just a way to
Self regulate from break-through anxiety.
Or whatever it’s called where
pain and anxiety meet and overlap.
So I see 3 things.
I look around the room
and see a Christmas Tree,
I see a window.
I look up and see your hair.
Now we feel 4 things.
OK. A little more challenging!
I feel the chair. The fan. My shoes.
And I feel your hair.
Now comes the money shot.
We listen for 5 things.
I hear the music.
I hear the clock tick tick ticking.
I hear the heater. It just kicked on.
I hear the beeps. So many machines.
I hear birds outside!
(I think they came to sing to her!)
To actively listen,
You have to be still.
It works for a moment.
If the feelings persist,
It’s probably pain.
So we did that often.
I’m doing it all day.
It makes me stop crying
Long enough to focus
on this exact moment in time.
Thanks to everyone reading
Who posted comments.
Words don’t exist to express this grief.