31 July 2019

pain day

Mine is a little lower. 
Perfectly bilateral. 
I am certain I overused a muscle. 
Lifting my patient the last day. 

He likes to push down,
When we transfer to  the wheelchair. 
And he pushes down
With all his little might. 
Now this. 

I suspect the pain will last 
about 2 weeks. 
As pain does. 

Last night I couldn’t settle down. 
High pulse. 
I had some Keto Ice Cream
About 6 hours prior. 

It sat “on” my stomach 
Until here, and I threw up 
and up and up and up and up. 

The red is awake. 
It hurts to move. 

Ice helps. Heat helps. 
But I threw up all that Advil
Big ulcer is back. 

I could just feel my heart pounding. 

Took my Blood Glucose. 
Wasn’t that. 

Just wait for it to pass, 
I guess. 

I worked on the letter 
To the State for 3 hours. 
I “sat” on it overnight 
To make sure I still felt good 
about sending it. 
I do. 

I will probably find a new case. 
Which is sad for me, the patient,
And the family. 
But I can’t keep going like this. 

Most of the time in life, 
we have so make adjustments. 
Set goals. 
Deal with consequences. 

I was never super aggressive 
With anything but getting my 
Nursing License. 
And even then I barely studied. 

I’m glad I didn’t need to reinvent myself 
To become “super successful.”
I never fully bought into that lie. 

Just happy to have a decent car,
And a safe place to stay, 
Away from chaos and bullying. 
And some good food to eat. 

All my life’s goals are already met. 
I made it this far
With no permanent disease 
Or disability. 
My body is strong 
And I like being healthy. 
This will pass. 

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