30 April 2020

food staycationing


Up all night. 
Ugh. 


A normal, rational person 
Would not eat something pointless 
Or poisonous or just trashy. 
Or something that makes them sick. 

So I’ve been eating what I wanted. 
Anything. 
No limits. 

And I tasted it. 
Really smelled it 
And tasted it
And examined the texture
And in every case -
I can do 1000 times better
With my own 2 hands
And a handful of ingredients 
From my pantry. 
Usually no recipe needed. 
Just common sense.

Here are the foods I bought and tasted. 
Key lime pie. 
Chicken quesadillas. 
Pizza RollUp. 
Red sauce. 
Coffee ice cream.
Lemon cupcake 

Most of these foods - 
I took one bite 
And spit the rest out. 

They didn’t fit with my idea
Of what they would be like. 
Or how I remembered them to be. 

I waited 10 years for a slice of pizza- 
And it was thick and dry and bland
And used fake grease
And very skimpy cheese. 
In fact, there was barley 
One ounce of meat and cheese! 
No way a pizza is worth $20 
These days. 

The cupcake. 
Dry. Nasty. Stale. 
No bite to the lemon. 
Too bright yellow. 
Almost fluorescent. 


The pie. 
Once my fave. 
Key Lime Pie. 
The serving was small
Like 2 bites. 
Mostly crust. 
Off texture filling. 
Like freezer burn. 
Or it had thawed and been refrozen. 
The equivalent of a prison TV dinner
But for pie. 


I mean I analyzed these foods 
like a judge on a food show. 

Not one I liked. 
Not one. 

I didn’t even finish the beer. 
Have my tastes changed 
completely now? 


Swedish Fish candy. 
For Ramadan - for kids. 
I ate one. 
Waxy. 
I looked it up. 
Carnauba wax. 
In kids candy? 
A substitute for gelatin. 
Because the cows are not Halal. 
Really? Car Wax? 

That is some crazy shit. 
I finally pulled my sweet tooth! 
 

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