driving and crying

Pete came over to take me to lunch 

This tree is 100% dead. 

It’s not coming back. 

Just like this guy’s friendship. 

Wasn’t nurtured. So it died. 

2011? 2012?

Jacobs Lake in the North Rim 

Of the Grand Canyon. 

My housemate is in the mountains 

Down by Sedona. In an old ghost town. 

An old mining town.

I love the Southwest so much. 

Lunch. 

Pete’s lunch. 

He did better than me. 

Clean up the closet. 

Also found some new bras. 

You know you’re old when you 

Get excited about finding a bra. 

I don’t think I blogged yesterday. 

I am so depressed 

I cry all the time. 

And I can’t get past why. 

How can you be upset about something 

When you don’t even like the guy? 

He’s mean as a snake. 

And I’m covering for him. 

It’s like Stockholm Syndrome. 

Dropped the phone. 

Got to work early. An hour early. 

I went for a nice walk in the sun. 

So this odd resistance. 

It’s like PTSD. 

I reached out to a professional 

Counselor who can help me. 

I should be happy to get rid of him. 

I don’t like him. Much less love him. 

I can’t put my finger on why. 

Why am I so hesitant to let him go? 

He won’t change. 

Alcoholism is progressive and fatal. 

ASD they call it now.

Alcohol Use Disorder. 

If effects 18 million people a year directly. 

Like Obesity, it is a disease of 

Lifestyle Choice. 

The counselor already said 

he needs to go. 

She already knows how the story ends. 

I am afraid of what he will do 

Not IF, but WHEN she kicks him out. 

He is playing a script that says 

“I live like a pig. I’m mean. 

And I’ll make your life a living hell…

BUT if you try to kick me out,

I will bring more wrath 

Than you can imagine!”

He’s all talk. Or is he?