tearful day

He feels funky. 

His hair lays flatter when he’s ok. 

Ahhh good times. 

My first hospital job. 

I actually worked at a hospital called 

“Dedman”. 

POV patient “Where am I? “

Nurse “It’s ok. You’re at Deadman!”

It was a smallish, community-based

Treasure of the neighborhood. 

2011. 

I was mad because I gained 

Like 12 pounds of muscle. 

Which skewed my weight goals. 

I was stupidly fixated on numbers 

In the beginning. 

Slept like crap. 

Constant headache 

For like months. 

Read Walt Whitman to my patient. 

But I was already thinking about 

The other Whitman! Lol

You can take the girl out of the FatSuit,

You can’t take the Fatty out of the Girl. 

A gift. AKA An experiment! 

30 carbs for the day- in one setting. 

I’ve been craving it. 

So I had some. 

Made the headache worse. 

We can’t drink our troubles away. 

Not even with hard stuff. Lol. 

At his is Chemical Stew.  

I was so upset yesterday. 

I couldn’t grapple with my anxiety. 

The HH’s car was repo’d

As expected. 

The conflict came when I witnessed 

A breech of trust- and subsequent lies. 

That hurt so bad. It wouldn’t stop crying. 

The tears just would not stop. 

On and off again for hours. 

First Rule of Nursing is you 

leave your troubles at home. 

Sick kids don’t want to hear 

your baby mama llama drama trauma. 

When America was under attack from within 

The family saw it on the news 

And said that it was nothing. 

It happens all the time. 

Yeah- but not here! 

I guess we see things though

 our own cultural lens. 

This hit me as hard as finding out 

Daddy is cheating on Mommy! 

And seeing it unfold. 

The mom said just let it go 

Because I don’t have a dog in the fight. 

But yet- I do. 

I would want to know if someone is 

Joyriding in my car,

 Or sleeping in my bed,

Or eating my food,

Or taking my cash. Etc. 

But I’ve also been the shady one

And never thought I owed 

an explanation to anyone. 

Secret and private 

Are two different things. 

I can’t get over how people will literally

Do anything they want 

Say anything that comes to mind

Take anything they like

Believe anything they hear

Fuck anything that moves

Spend money they don’t have

And lie to your face about it. 

I guess I just crawled out 

from under a rock - that I’m 

just now discovering this. 

“LOL”