screw it

The dawn comes up

Like thunder 

15 mg caffeine. For the gum. 

Tea is like 45 mg

Cokes are like 75 mg

Monster is like 150 mg

Coffee is around 150 +

C4 energy drink come in at 300 mg. 

Good sleep. 

Until 3:45 when Housie 

Woke up looking for something

But really - looking to annoy me. 

I am so happy to say

I’ve been going to Al-Anon

For like a week now. 

This guy has 50 years in the program. 

They have online Zoom calls 

About one every hour or the day. 

On an app. Of all things. 

Pop in and out as you see fit. 

I never liked AA or CODA

Or Al-Anon etc because I 

Didn’t like the disease model

Of AA. But now I see it has value. 

Even if it’s not 100% perfect fit. 

I believe most adults

 in developed countries 

(First World Problems)

Are sub clinically malnourished 

Sub clinically dehydrated 

And sub clinically sleep-deprived. 

And all the horror that goes with 

That angry Triad. 

Is mental illness just a

Long-term vitamin deficiency?

Something genetic?

Is it a belief?

A behavior? 

I Once Upon A Time

studied for my LCDC

- Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor-

But they didn’t pay very much. 

So I stuck with Nursing. 

I also had a personal counselor 

For years for Sexual Child Abuse

From A therapist who specialized in 

REBT (Albert Ellis founder)

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. 

Which I often quote here. 

Be more like a cat

And take care of me. 

And less like a dog

And rescue everyone else. 

Nurse Ratched. 

I want MY cigarettes! 

I want MY cigarettes! 

I don’t want yours! 

I want MY cigarettes!

I want it my way. Or else. 

I found a new tool. 

Al-Anon has meetings 

Around the clock - 

On line. 

I’ve been doing 3 or 4 a day. 

How my kids see me. 

My face when I see the bullshit. 

My notes today. 

My problem is THINKING 

Not Drinking. 

You don’t go to the hardware store 

To get a gallon of milk.

Or a loaf of bread.