nothing

"Nothing" from 

A Chorus Line (link)

Anyway, it's the first day of aerobics class,

and we're in the gymnasium, and the Trainer,

Mr. Karp - puts us up on the floor with

our legs around each other,

one in back of the other, and he says:

"Okay... we're going to do aerobics.

Now, you're on a yoga mat. It's snowing out.

And it's cold...Okay...GO!"

Every day for a week we would try to
Feel the lunges, feel the crunches -
Take our turn!

Every day for a week we would try to

Build the triceps, build the biceps -

Feel the burn!

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

To see what I had inside.

Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

And I tried, I tried.

And everybody's goin' "Whoosh, whoosh ...

I lost a pound - I lost an ounce - I lost a kilo!"

And Mr. Karp turns to me and he says,

"Okay, More-All-Ass! What did you lose?"

And I said..."Nothing,

I'm losing nothing,"

And he says "Nothing

Could get a girl transferred."

They all lost something,

But I lost nothing -

Except the feeling

That this bullshit was absurd!

But I said to myself, "Hey, it's only the first week.

Maybe it's genetic.

They don't have bobsleds in San Juan!"

Second week, more advanced, and we had to

Sit at a table, Fit in a sportscar...

Pass up an ice-cream cone.

Mister Karp, he would say,"Very good,

Except More-All-Ass. Try, More-All-Ass,

All alone."

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

To see how an ice cream felt.

Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

And I tried to melt!

The kids yelled, "Nothing!"

They called me "Nothing"

And Karp allowed it,

Which really makes me burn.

The were so helpful.

They called me "Hopeless,"

Until I really didn't know

Where else to turn.

And Karp kept saying,

"More-All-Ass, I think you should transfer to Girl's High,

You'll always be a Fat Ass - Always!!" Jesus Christ!

Went to church, praying, "Santa Maria,

Send me guidance, send me guidance,"

On my knees.

Went to church, praying, "Santa Maria,

Help me lose it, help me lose it.

Pretty please!"

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul

Came up to the top of my head.

And the voice from down at the bottom of my soul,

Here is what it said:

"This man is nothing!

This gym is nothing!

If you want something,

Go find another class.

And when you find one

You'll lose your Fat Ass."

And I assure you that's what

Finally came to pass.

Six months later I heard that Karp had died.

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul...

And cried.

'Cause I felt... nothing.

With love and fontleroy!