cc nurse

Crappy sleep

Because I never learn

That my middle-aged body 

Doesn’t get to do whatever it likes. 

Or once liked when I was like 20 or 30. 

Took a little walk today. 

Getting back to normal. 

A new normal. 

Drinking snake juice makes me 

not the least bit hungry all day. 

So I’m a Hospice Nurse. 

I am the one who sits 

at the bedside of the dying person. 

It’s truly end of life work. 

It’s very quiet and calm work. 

I give the meds like morphine. 

And other opiates. 

I provide comfort as people transition 

To death. 

I make sure they are clean and dry and safe

And are not anxious or in pain. 

This is what I do. 

Most people don’t get better. 

Everyone dies-  many on my shift. 

They asked to be on Hospice. 

The families are ready for when they pass 

For the most part. 

The hospice team helps with that. 

And most of my patients are 

not awake when I meet them. 

My best boss put it this way:

You are assigned a patient. 

You go to their home. 

You knock on the door,

And meet the family,

You have about 8 seconds

To get them to like you 

While you take them through 

The worst days 

They’re ever going to have. 

It’s really the best kind of Nursing;

It’s gentle and nurturing. 

working days

Wake up, Hooman. 

Feed us. 

They only cuddle when they want food. 

But first. 

To drink wine - or not to drink wine. 

So I did. 

And consequently slept like crap. 

I also forgot to put on the watch

Until midway through. 

Up right away 

Even thou I slept late. 

Which means till 9 am! 

Woo! Woo!


Ahhhh Sweet Baby Memories. 

I dreamed about my Love Dove last night. 

See- I wanted the nurses who “worked on her”

When she died - I wanted them to suffer. 

The Baby came to me in a dream 

and asked me to be more gentle. 

For her sake. 

That’s not how we lived. 

And that’s NOT how she wants to be remembered. 

Maybe not forgiving just yet. 

Maybe not understanding. 

But let go of the anger. 

It will eat us all up from the inside. 

Oops. Forgot to reset my fasting app 

From back in August. 

So I’m on The Juice again. 

Snake Juice. 

I can gain 3 pounds overnight 

without changing anything in my diet. 

Must be the stress. 

After that dream 

I feel much better. 

Ready for work. 

crazier days

Why trade 8 hours of quality sleep

For 20 minutes of buzz? 

Wine just makes no sense. 

It’s not even worth the cost and weight gain. 

I get nothing from it. 

My vices are in a different category. 

Even though I saw her buried with my own eyes, 

I will think there is a chance

The phone will ring and they somehow

Made a mistake. And she’s ok. 

It’s absolutely insane 

How the mind can trick us. 

As a Hospice Nurse, 

I know this well. 

I’m living by rote for now,

Just going through the motions. 




These nice families want to feed us. 

To foster us. 

I can’t eat what they eat. 

Strangely, they can’t eat it either. 

They’re all obese,

And on insulin. 

I can’t go back to that. 

(The obesity. 

I was never on insulin.)

So I start a new case with a new baby 

Tomorrow. 

Little twin premie girls. 

No one wants babies 

Because they can break your heart. 

I guess I’ll soon be heartless.