how to be a nurse (part 2)

Being a Nurse today is a trippy honor. 

We enjoy a wonderful reputation. 

Even before COVID. 

But now, especially. 


Nursing School is so hard! 

Tripping hard. Abnormally hard. 

Impossibly hard. I look back every day

On what my Instructors said

And all the friends I made. 

I was called Spring Butt Poindexter

Because I had a question about everything. 

It’s like being thrown into a blender 

That is going full blast. 

They do it on purpose to see

Who will think and who will “thwim “! 

Nursing is not easy. 

The only thing that makes it easier- 

is we are a team. 

Nurses like to help other Nurses. 

Is it a calling? Probably. 

On my day off today, 

I drove across town and helped 

A Nurse learn how to deep suction 

With confidence and accuracy. 

I can’t count so high 

As to include the nurses 

who selflessly helped me. 

Oh the places you’ll go! 

The hearts that will break your heart. 

A Nurse today has to know 

Everything. Literally everything. 

We have a knowledge base

10 miles wide. And 10 feet thick. 

All kinds of equipment. 

This machine os a room air concentrator. 

It takes room air and passes it through 

an air compressor. Then another compressor. 

And finally over a bed of Zeolite 

Which chelates the nitrogen 

And delivers 99% pure oxygen. 

The air is humidified with distilled water

So the patient doesn’t get boogers. 

Or a nose bleed. 

It’s held together with these tubes. 

And adaptors. 

That’s how they purify air 

On the Space Station - Zeolite. 

By the way. But, I digress. 

But the Room Air Concentrator will not 

 work if this black nut snaps off. 

Like these two - snapped off in the tube. 

And if the Nurse doesn’t catch the error,

The patient will NOT get O2

And that’s not good. 

Nurses notice everything. 

Like a medical Sherlock Holmes. 

A sound, a tempo, a smell, an angle ..

Check that everything is going smoothly…

All the while looking their best, 

Trying to get lunch, chart, 

And the other 5,000 tasks we perform every shift. 

Good shoes. Good bra. 

That’s first. 

Spare no expense on these. 

Hide yo’ lunch 

Hide yo’ water 

You won’t get to eat it. 

No time! Hahahahah! 

So just grab a crouton and move on. 


Here’s your job description. 

Little of this. Little of that. 

It’s a great mix of Talent, Brains,

And BedSide Manor- aka People Skills 

I believe every nurse should wait tables

Or work as a Nurse Aide first. 

It’s humbling. 

Teaches empathy. Patience. 

Nursing is (in part) anticipating 

What will happen next. 

The disease pathways. 

What’s normal. What’s deadly. 

What is just noise. 

Many people don’t belong 

in the public eye. 

There are nursing jobs like mine

Where you have one patient 

And go to their house every day. 

There’s a nursing field for every nurse. 

And then there’s the medical groups. 

They change everything 

And nothing at the same time. 

“Hurry up and wait” like for a cure for AIDS

“LowFat saves lives” even though it does not. 

“Have your pie- just use more insulin!”

Same as it ever was! 

If it lowers cholesterol 

Is it a drug? 

The Allopathic Nurses probably eat this

With low-fat margerine and 

Fat-free cheese. 

And of course - the money. 

You won’t get rich in nursing. 

And that’s ok. 

People don’t become Nurses,

Teachers, and Cops - to get rich. 

They have us in neighborhoods 

And people feel safe. 

I though COVID would scare people 

Away from Nursing School. 

But it made things better! 

The Nurses that are coming on board

Now are like the firemen that 

Ran toward the World Trade Center

When everyone else was running away. 

I’m thrilled to see this day come! 

Army Nurses from the National Guard 

Help the Population at Large. 

Now comes the Sexy Nurse. 

She wants to give you an enema! 

If you can’t poop- this is heavenly! 

The State Board of Nurse Examiners 

Usually speaks out against anything 

That throws shade on Nurses. 

The Board is very powerful 

And is alive, and active, for and ready. 

It’s comforting to know that 

only a Nurse can judge a Nurse. 

When a mistake is made,

they do a “Peer Review” whereby 

Other Nurses see what you did, and ask 

Would they do the same thing. 

Even a Nurse with Psych history

Or Substance Abuse can still work 

In Nursing. It’s called “Safe Harbor.”

Any Nurse can call for help

And s/he will be helped. 

Safe Harbor is also for unsafe conditions. 

I hope you enjoy reading this- 

My personal thoughts on 

The Gift of Nursing!