3 diets and a funeral

Mya Heavy Friend

Born: 1960

Died: 2011

Mya Heavy Friend, of FattyVille, USA, died the other day

in his own home after a long battle against obesity.

Born  in the USA, not so long ago, to Mr and Mrs Heavy-Friend,

Mya was an avid lover of chocolate and french fries. He 

earned a Bachelor's degree in being a Bachelor, and 

in Eating Junk. He was a proud member of the 300 pound club.

Mya Heavy-Friend is survived by his cat, who could have also lost 

a couple of pounds. Just Saying. 

(That was the cat's name - "Just Saying" was the cat's name!) 

The funeral service was private because the parents and family

were really too tired to come all this way for it.

In lieu of flowers, Mya requests a trip to Mc D, and to think of him.

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Britches Chocolate Upside Down Cake

(nee: Devils' Food)

Born: Recently

Died: Too Soon

Britches Chocolate Upside Down Cake went to be with the Lard

last week. She is survived by the Devil's Food family

in Chocolate Town, America.

Britches was a fun loving gal who struggled her whole life

with being Morbid and Obese. She joined the Pounds-Be-Gone

Alter Society in an attempt to find peace, and alterations. She did.

She died after lingering around a bit longer than she actually wanted to,

from complications of Extreme Heaviness.

Funeral services are scheduled next week, after the

Strawberry Picking Festival. Hey - we all have our priorities!

Britches would have wanted it this way!

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Jane Dough

aka: "Be-Foreign Afta"

Born: yesterday

Died: unknown

Jane Dough, of Baker Street, One Pizza Place,

was found in her apartment, after police were called to the scene,

after she hadn't shown up for work for years.

She was "there" but not really "present."

She was a lovely person, and an asset to the work force,

at "The Man" corporate offices, where she worked as a Food Taster

in the cafeteria, at a Yo-Yo Company. Jane won numerous awards for 

"Sticking It To The Man" over many years of loyal service.

Jane got her nickname "Be-Foreign Afta" from the many times 

she went on a so-called-diet and so-called-failed. 

Now her so-called-struggles are so-called-over. 

 Her grand total of life-time weight-loss

muscles in at over 1,000 pounds! 10 pounds on and off again,

for months - times how many years - she never told us!

But I'm guessing it wasn't her first so-called road-eo.

May she rest in piece.

Both her heavy self and her slender self will be laid to rest

today, at the Bi-Gemini Funeral Home. And to think, we all 

thought she was twins! Typical that she got in the last word.

After the funeral service, friends and loved ones

are invited to the All-U-Can Stomach Eat Buffet,

in downtown Suburbia.

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Just for fun - and food for thought!

Hope your day is great!