30 January 2011

guilty conscience


Meet Phatty...
50 years old -
Fed up with life and the weigh things are going,
She decides to visit a donut store.
Butt, on her weigh-in, she has a sudden change of heart...
And suddenly, her conscience comes out to play.

Allright - stop!
Now before you walk in the door to this donut store
and put some powder in your drawers
you better think of the consequences....
Who the F (as in Fat) are you?
I'm your mother freaking conscious, that's who
 
That's non-sense!
Go in and grapple the snapple,
And run to the back of your closet
and get out a dress that's ample.
And one of the blonde wigs
like one of the 3 pigs.
Go to the drive through, and take it back to where you stay.
You'll be sick for days, if you binge that way - 
Yeah, but if it all goes through like it's supposed to
The whole Blogland knows you and they'll expose you!
Think about it before you walk in the door first
Look at the donuts - they are older than George Burns!

Eff that! Do that sh!t Eat that b!tch!
Can you afford to blow that sh!t? Aren't they that rich?
Do you give a frock if the donuts are fried?
Ain't life a binge? And a bitch?
And then ya die?!
Man don't do it- it's not worth it to risk it!
Not over this shit! Drop the biscuit! (or donut!)
Don't even listen to "Slim" yo - he's bad for you
You know what? I don't like your fattitude!
These voices - these voices - I hear them - 
and when they talk I follow......

...With all the usual apologies and fontleroy...
Since this is, after all, a parody of Eminem's rap song 
"Guilty Conscience"

Hit play and follow and sing along!
Eminem and Dr Dre
Guilty Conscious
@

19 comments:

  1. DawnJanuary 30, 2011 at 6:20 AM

    Yes very guilty! I'm the same even thinking about eating in such places.. Full of guilt for where it has got me.
    Walk past, keep on walking, thats what I have to do
    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  2. Karen Butler OgleJanuary 30, 2011 at 6:30 AM

    I still have to look away when I pass out local Dunkin' Donuts place. Besides cookies, donuts are my biggest trigger food. I could each half a doesn't French cruellers all by myself. The bane of my existence.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anne HJanuary 30, 2011 at 7:27 AM

    Would you believe I worked on this for a year?
    And this is one of my favorite parodies so far!

    ReplyDelete
  4. arielcircleofnineJanuary 30, 2011 at 7:53 AM

    OMG this is hilarious...I LOL'd several times! Totally one of my fave or your parodies too!
    I can distinctly recall the last time I binged on donuts. But I didnt even have the ooomph to go to a real donut store--I stopped at a gas station near home and got a box of those donuts that have the plain, powdered and cinnamon sugar kinds in one box, a dozen and ate em in the car on the way home. Of course something tramatic had just happened but that ain't the way to deal, yo! :-D

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJanuary 30, 2011 at 10:10 AM

    nom nom nom

    ReplyDelete
  6. PatrickJanuary 30, 2011 at 12:00 PM

    Um, it is just fried dough folks, just dough... aint worth it, aint worth anything. But it will sap all your feeling of worth from you if you let it.

    Dont poke no dough!

    ReplyDelete
  7. MarileeJanuary 30, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    Anne, I so needed to find a little added incentive to stick with low carb eating for another day, and here you are! This is a real treat! Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousJanuary 30, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    This post made me stop and watch what I put in my mouth!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousJanuary 30, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Oh Anne! You are such a winner!

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJanuary 30, 2011 at 3:10 PM

    Yeah, don't do it... Do Nut do it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ShannonJanuary 30, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    i love eminem!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Joanna JenkinsJanuary 30, 2011 at 6:05 PM

    I am laughing out loud! I love this. And believe me, the next time I'm eyeing a donut I'll be thinking....

    "...Look at the donuts - they are older than George Burns!"

    Hope your weekend is great! xo jj

    ReplyDelete
  13. EnzJanuary 30, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Absolutely freakin' hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Cole Walter MellonJanuary 30, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    Believe me, I know how hard it is to do this to an Eminem tune. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Rap Me UpJanuary 31, 2011 at 6:38 AM

    Once I actually listened to the music -
    This was funny, chick!
    Brilliant parody.
    Two big fat thumbs WAY UP!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Rick WatsonJanuary 31, 2011 at 8:49 AM

    Donuts have carbs???? Darn it! Why didn't somebody tell me. Next thing you know you'll be tellin' me that pasta is high in carbs too.

    ReplyDelete
  17. TinaMFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:22 AM

    Good job!!! I didn't even need to listen to it, before you even mentioned him, I knew that was the beat and had it in my head as I was reading! :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. not so slimFebruary 12, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    Best. Post. Ever!
    Who are you!?
    Someone wonderful. That's who!

    ReplyDelete
  19. anne hMarch 19, 2016 at 1:11 AM

    lol by M & M.... good one!

    ReplyDelete

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